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| For the love of beans |
For the love of beans
Once upon a time there lived a woman who had a maddening passion for baked
beans. She loved them but unfortunately they had always had a very embarrassing
and somewhat lively reaction to her. Then one day she met a guy and fell in
love. When it became apparent that they would marry she thought to herself, " He
is such a sweet and gentle man, he would never go for this carrying on." So she
made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
Some months later her car broke
down on the way home from work. Since she lived in the country she called her
husband and told him that she would be late because she had to walk home. On her
way she passed a small diner and the odor of the baked beans was more than she
could stand. Since she still had miles to walk, she figured that she would walk
off any ill effects by the time she reached home. So, she stopped at the diner
and before she knew it, she had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All
the way home she putt-putted. And upon arriving home she felt reasonably sure
she could control it.
Her husband seemed excited to see her and exclaimed
delightedly, "Darling, I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then
blindfolded her and led her to her chair at the table. She seated herself and
just as he was about to remove the blindfold from his wife, the telephone rang.
He made her promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned. He then went
to answer the phone. The baked beans she had consumed were still affecting her
and the pressure was becoming almost unbearable, so while her husband was out of
the room she seized the opportunity, shifted her weight to one leg and let it
go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a
skunk in front of pulpwood mill. She took her napkin and fanned the air around
her vigorously. Then, she shifted to the other cheek and ripped three more,
which reminded her of cabbage cooking.
Keeping her ears tuned to the
conversation in the other room, she went on like this for another ten minutes.
When the phone farewells signaled the end of her freedom, she fanned the air a
few more times with her napkin, placed it on her lap and folded her hands upon
it, smiling contentedly to herself. She was the picture of innocence when her
husband returned, Apologizing for taking so long, he asked her if she peeked,
and she assured him that she had not. At this point, he removed the blindfold,
and she was surprised!!! There were twelve dinner guests seated around the table
to wish her a Happy Birthday!!!
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